Add life to days, not days to life :)*

Expectations  :

Often it is expectations of someone and how that someone lives up to it that you form an image about him. A lazy person, irresponsible perhaps. Expectations, it is something that many fail to understand. It can be used to help you, while it may be detrimental to someone.

I know I've not lived up to expectations, but nor will I admit it to you cause I still my dignity. Pride you may call it, but I choose to decide what it is. May a times, I know I failed, rather obvious as you expect a lot more out of me, and I seemingly fail to live up to those expectations. I seem to be teetering on the edge, just barely making it. Yet, of 'those expectations' I mentioned above, entangled among them, is my own expectation, of myself and how people should view me as. I may not apologize for the mess I have created, nor will I try to live up to your expectations, however I will not let it bog me down and I, to the best of my very limited ability, try and help out anyway I can.

when i was a kid i loved swimming so one afternoon i was in the mood for fun, so i bounced to my uncles’s room (I was at his place for the vacation) eager to jump on him and ask him to take me just a few blocks down to the swimming complex and swim with me. But, when i opened the door he was fast asleep.  Being young i didn’t know much about being irritating so i happily shook him awake and went 'LETS GO SWIMMING'.  Obviously he wasn’t in the mood and in fact i went out the room almost in tears.

So,  i lay on my bed hating everything hating the fact that something so simple like bringing me just a few blocks away could be so hard to do. Then after awhile my uncle came in knelt beside my bed and told me 'get ready, let’s go swimming with a smile'. Of course,  i was super confused so i asked him, while walking,

 why the sudden change, i thought he didn’t want to go?

and his reply ill always remember.

“if you want to do something, you don’t do it reluctantly, you don’t drag your feet there. if you're gonna do it, do it happily”

Things are difficult most of the times, and we don’t face one difficulty at a time because it doesn’t rain it pours like hell. But when you think that all is lost and you can’t find your way back, cry out the darkness and let the light shine in because even though life sucks (take drugs) we're gonna go through it. Although suicide's easy as 1 2 3 there're too many consequences to bother our already bothered souls with that it becomes a 'so near yet so far' thing.

So since life's kind of compulsory now, let’s find joy, let’s make joy. Let’s not care about too many of the downsides because it doesn’t do us any good. Let’s push it away, no one said ignoring something that isn’t even supposed to be there was bad. There’re happier things to focus and revolve our life around. Days are gonna be tough, seems like we're having a tougher time than others did and it makes us feel lousy, ok it makes ‘Me’ feel lousy. Super lousy,  i always think 'is everyone feeling the same way or is it just me?'. i mean pain is relative, i could say I’m fainting but if another person was in my shoes that person would be like ‘oh, tremors’ but i don’t care, caus’ ill never find out.

if you feel like doing something go do it. if you don’t feel like it and you strongly believe you don’t want to then don’t do it. Because that's what’s gonna make you happier.

It’s your life, live it the way you want to. it’s your memories you're gonna be looking at ten years down the road, so choose to make those memories yourself babes.

On Monday i spent two hours in bed, tired from not being awake yet and stressed from the thought of going to college. And i was late. So, every minute spent tossing on my bed, plagued with the dilemma of whether or not to go to college was another minute late, which made me not want to go to college even more.

So i decided, eventually, *  I’m not going. I’m not gonna be happy even if i went anyway.*

then i woke up, and stressed myself for another hour about whether or not to go for labs, in the end i walked toward my friend’s place with a bloody frown because even as i walked, every step i took was a step further from home and nearer to college (which isn’t very near, have to wait for my friend to pick me up ) and i just hated the idea of going for lab when i didn’t want to, when i felt obligated to.

In the end i reached college, sat at the library, had a light conversation with some jerks (which cleared my brain for some reason (i think it was caus’ it was so pure and brainless, lol!)) and i felt better. Then the girls came and lab was about to start. Managed to cope-up with what they were doing (It was really really boring, though) and in the end i just ran, caus’ i knew if i didn’t, I’d keep thinking about whether i should’ve or not. & some other thoughts ringing my mind  “Dammit! Why the hell did I come to college, when I actually didn’t want to. Effin, why did I get into Engineering”

So, after that very mentally draining day i realized how damn true 'cross the bridge when it comes' really is. Why bother ourselves with what we think is going to come when we have absolutely no control over it? why not think about what we can do now, how to tackle the problems we have now, and be happy NOW, instead of trying to be happy in future?

So, add life to days, not days to life :)*

I realized i have a habit of throwing my life away, even if its for five minutes. i sit down and forget about everything and think about Only what i want to think about.  Sometimes i believe in the things i say, but sometimes i doubt if im making enough sense.

A friend told me bout a book, so mind-boggling.

It’s about this girl who's perfectly fine, from her point of view. Driven, social and everything. until she goes to a mental institute and mingles with the people. only then she finds out something about the people there, from their point of view, that they are not mental, that they think it is the 'normal' people that need help, not them.

No wonder I’ve always wondered how mental people feel/ think. if i could be one person for a day i'd be mental.

These kind of books should be burnt caus’ it messes up your view of the world.

I think the only reason why i'll be mental is caus of my friend, LOL !

We like to think about things like 'there are many things going on in the world in one second.' this guy's buying fruits, this girl's crying another's on the edge of divorce, another getting married. THAT’S HOW DISGUSTING IT IS.

But we dont have to care.

You can choose to believe anything you want to. you can believe someone who said something bad and be unhappy, or you could believe someone who said something good and be happy. Think about it.

And If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: I came to ‘LOL’ xD

-Live Out Loud-

I’m really blabbering now, all i hope is that i make sense.

Will continue again if possible.

-Maahi :)*